Confidence Begins Where Shame Ends
Shame is one of the most painful emotions we carry—and one of the most misunderstood.
Unlike guilt, which says “I did something wrong,” shame whispers something far more damaging:
“There is something wrong with me.”
Shame attacks your identity, your worth, and your sense of belonging. It doesn’t just show up after a major mistake or life event. In fact, most shame takes root slowly, subtly, and early.
Where Shame Comes From
You didn’t choose shame. It was passed to you—through moments that seemed small, but left a lasting imprint.
Shame often begins in childhood, when our emotional needs went unmet, our expressions were misunderstood, or love came with conditions. Over time, these experiences teach us that we must be something different in order to be loved, accepted, or safe.
Here are just a few ways shame can form:
Being told you're “too sensitive,” “too much,” or “not enough”
Receiving attention or approval only when you performed, succeeded, or made others happy
Feeling neglected, dismissed, or emotionally abandoned
Growing up in environments where emotions were unsafe or unspoken
Experiencing trauma, bullying, or emotional invalidation
Being taught that certain parts of you—your feelings, desires, body, identity—were wrong or bad
You begin to internalize the message:
“If I want to be loved, I have to hide parts of who I am.”
And that’s when shame becomes more than a feeling—it becomes a lens.
The Shame Lens: How It Distorts Your Self-View
As shame grows unchecked, it becomes the filter through which you see yourself and your relationships.
You may not hear it clearly, but it sounds like:
“I’m not lovable unless I earn it.”
“If I speak up, they’ll leave.”
“I always mess things up.”
“I’m broken and I need to fix myself before I can be happy.”
This shame lens affects how you move through the world:
You may overperform, overgive, or disappear. You may stay quiet when you want to scream. You may feel like no amount of growth ever feels like “enough.”
But here’s what I want you to hear deeply:
Shame is not who you are.
It’s what you learned to feel.
And you are allowed to put it down.
The Truth About Healing from Shame
You don’t need to earn your way out of shame. You don’t need to be perfect to deserve peace.
Healing shame isn’t about erasing your past—it’s about unlearning the belief that it defines you.
You get to:
✔️ Speak to yourself with the kindness you never received
✔️ Rewrite the story that says love is conditional
✔️ Make room for your whole self—messy, brilliant, emotional, evolving
Because you were never too much. You were never not enough. You were always worthy.
You just forgot. And now… you remember.
A Gentle Invitation
If shame has been your silent companion—if it’s the reason you shrink, self-sabotage, or stay stuck—I want you to know:
You don’t have to carry it alone. And you don’t have to carry it forever.
Working with a therapist can help you recognize where shame took root and begin the process of gently, intentionally releasing it.
At Freed Minds, I offer holistic teletherapy in Illinois that combines compassion, somatic awareness, and spiritual integration to support your healing journey.
Ready to Begin?
If you’re feeling called to let go of shame and reconnect with your wholeness, I’d love to walk with you.